He disabled his match.com account in front of me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
