Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Couch. On fire.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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