Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
