why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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