Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
did i just pee glitter
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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