I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
