Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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