Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
