First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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