I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
