I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
