Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
