This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
