I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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