i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
