You're my little dorito
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
