You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
