You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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