chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
