Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
