just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
