I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
