I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just invented taco cereal.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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