I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize