They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
