Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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