Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
