Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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