You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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