the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
