I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
