S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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