If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
