I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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