Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
