I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
