I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
