How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
