Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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