dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
