it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
