A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
