Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She told me I should be a condom model.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Randomize
