too bad you live with your parents still
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize