not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
