Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
