it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
