yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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