I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
