see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
