I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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