sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
