You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
