Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
