there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
