Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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