U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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