I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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