Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
