fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
