All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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