Me. At least after what I've been through.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
