this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
