I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
