I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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