We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
