Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
