how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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